I'm Eridan Ampora, and I Love My Matesprit
by carrie504
Summary: Trigger warnings: angst, self-harm, strong language. Eridan can't stop running back to Sollux, but when the time comes to actually do something about his feelings, he can't. One of them needs to make a move, before things get worse.


**WARNING: DEPRESSION/SELF HARM  
AND YAOI  
**This is the last fucking time.  
Who are you kidding? You say that every time. You'll go crawling back to him, crying, like you always do. He won't be your matesprit. Nobody will, ever.  
You're just a fucking loser that everyone hates.  
You open the drawer beneath the sink. A collection of razors are scattered across the bottom of it. Some of them you didn't clean properly, and had dried blood along the edges. You pick up a clean, sharp one and dig it into your skin. A few drops of purple slide down your arm.  
About halfway through the procedure you've gone through almost every day, you hear a knock on the door.  
Shit! The razor drops to the floor. You wipe your arm messily on your cape and run to the door, drying your eyes.  
Fuck. Shit. Fuck!  
It's him. You automatically feel weak in the knees. He is there, right in front of you, and all you can do is stand there and stare at him like an idiot.  
You mutter a shaky greeting, shuddering under his gaze and pretending not to notice the tears running down his cheeks. Why is he crying over you?  
He doesn't say anything, he just collapses at your knees and sobs. You are standing in the doorway, and the one you are flushed for is shedding tears all over you. All over your nice pants, actually. But you won't tell him to stop.  
He's crying too much to be coherent, but you can make out the words "please" and "I'm sorry." Yeah, he'd better be sorry. Just look at all the pain and suffering he caused you!  
Damn it, all of his blubbering is making you cry again. Your tears drip onto his head, disappearing in his dark hair. There was no way you'll let him see you in such a vulnerable state. You shake him off of you, step back into the house, and slam the door in his face.  
How's that for sorry?

What the hell did you do? You just emotionally bitchslapped the guy you're in love with. You can't open the door now, though. What you just did was completely unforgivable.  
You are horrible, nasty, and rude. No wonder everyone despises you.  
Where the hell did that razor go?  
You search the floor, but besides a few purple smudges, you find nothing. Another knock at the door scares the living shit out of you and you whack your head on the still-open drawer.  
Gog damn it, is that him again? Now your head hurts and your eyes are blurry from tears, your cape has blood all over it, and you've lost your scarf.  
You storm over to the door, fling it open and scream "Wwhat do you wwant?"  
He's still there. He's still fucking there. In the same position, crying on the ground.  
You are officially a humongous prick.  
"Forget it," he says. "I detherve thith. For being thuch a fucking athhole to you. I'll jutht go."  
His lisp is really cute. Everything about him is cute. Not that you'd ever say it or anything.  
"Stop."  
The single word escapes your mouth before you think about it. He looks up at you.  
"What?"  
"I said stop. Stop being so cruel to yourself. Stop openin up to me. Stop being so vvulnerable. Just stop."  
He has to hate you by now. Every single living (and non-living) soul you know of hates you. Including yourself.  
Your name is Eridan Ampora, and you are useless.

You are Sollux Captor.  
You are an asshole.  
What did you think would come out of this? Showing up at his door and crying just showed him what a pussy you are. He's going to shut the door again, probably laughing at you.  
Wait- you look up and he's crying too. Well, that's no surprise, he is Eridan after all. Waterworks are nothing new. But he has a unique kind of pain in his eyes. You're glad for your glasses so he can't see it returned in yours.  
You stand up slowly, wrapping your arms around him tightly. His body tenses, but you don't let go, and eventually he hugs you back.  
You find your way to the couch and sit down, letting him collapse at your side and cry on your shoulder. You stay strong for his sake, drying your eyes and trying not to cry, too.  
"I killed Fef. I hurt the one I lovve, too. I don't evven know wwhy you're here with me, shouldn't you leave like-" his voice cracked and he let out a wavering sob. "-evveryone else?"  
"If you think I would do that, you couldn't be any more wrong, Ampora."  
You get the reaction you expected: he whimpers and curls into the fetal position, probably thinking that you're a huge liar. Which you are, at times, but not right now.  
He's literally shaking. Oh Gog! He's making you feel really, really stupid. This is all your fault.  
You consider asking him where his scarf went, because he is absolutely adorable when he wears it, but you doubt that he could answer. So you sit on the couch, completely silent. You want desperately to make him stop.  
"Pleathe don't cry Eri, it'th killing me."  
You don't realize that you used a pet name until you've already said it. And he noticed.  
"I'm annoyin you, aren't I?"  
"Well shit, Eri! Ith it impothible for you two comprehend that I actually have pothitive feelingth for you?"  
"P-positive?"  
"Yeah." You look away from his pleading gaze. "Like, I mean I..."  
Looking away doesn't help. You can feel his stare, and it's making your face hot. You hope that the blush isn't visible. He keeps staring, getting you more and more flustered until your thoughts come pouring out in a waterfall of words and tears.  
"I fucking love you, Eridan. Red feelingth. They drive me abtholutely inthane and it'th NOT eathy to keep them inthide! Every fucking day I have to be thomeone I'm not."  
He cuts in. "Wwhy wwould you not tell me?"  
"Becauthe I'm a Gog damned idiot!"  
"No you're not, Sol. You're the most amazin, swweet troll I'vve evver met." He purrs compliments into your ear and giggles at the intense blush it causes.  
"You have no idea how much I love you, Eri."  
"Oh, on the contrary, honey. I think I lovve you just as much if not more." He winks.  
HE'S. SO. FUCKING. ADORABLE. You want to squeal and kiss him.  
No, Sollux. Restrain yourself. You stare at him for a while, feeling your cheeks get hotter and hotter. Okay, fuck it, don't restrain yourself.  
You hug him around the waist and kiss him urgently. He lets out an unexpecting moan. You pull away quickly, blushing furiously.  
"S-Sol!" He gasps.  
"Thorry." What a fucking stupid thing to do.  
"Sorry?!" He exclaims, a questioning look on his face. You return the look. He grins and kisses you softly, then curls up next to you, wiping the excess tears off his face.  
"Matesprits, Sol?"  
"Of courthe. Idiot.**" **


End file.
